Many of us have memories of dating as a teen, as awkward as it may be to remember some of them! While today’s teens still have cringe-worthy moments, a lot has changed in teen dating. Why? One big shift is due to social media. With social media so integrated into youth culture today, it’s normal to feel concerned when your teen starts dating, especially if you have your own tricky memories for comparison. It’s also normal not to know how to even begin talking to a teen about their dating life, trying to find the balance between support and concern.  

The good news is that you don’t have to be a relationship expert to consistently show up and be supportive of youth in your care, whether you’re a parent, a foster parent or another caregiver. Single parents or those with a complicated romantic past can still reliably help teens navigate dating in a healthy way through care and communication. 

While dating today looks different, being a supportive parent has never been more important. Let’s break down what teen dating looks like today, how it’s different from dating in the past — and what signs to look for to know if your teen is in a healthy or unhealthy relationship. 

Understanding Teen Dating in the Digital Age

The biggest shift in teen dating today is how relationships begin and grow online. Instead of passing notes in class, teens connect through memes, emojis, DMs and videos. In many cases, relationships start digitally long before teens ever spend time together in person.

While social media can help teens stay connected, it also changes how they experience communication, boundaries and emotional closeness.

The Challenges of Dating on Social Media

Social media is notorious for leading to misunderstandings or mental health issues because of things like anonymity and comparison culture. Teens face these challenges every day, navigating things like: 

• Conversations without tone, body language or facial expressions

• Comparison culture and pressure to look “perfect”

• Ghosting, stalking or constant monitoring

• Cyberbullying

• Increased exposure to online predators makes internet safety essential

Especially for youth who may feel disconnected in the “real world,” it can be easy to get sucked into social media and seek validation and connection online. Social media is also a popular place to “soft-launch” relationships by getting to know one another privately without pressure from the outside world. 

Why Digital Relationships Can Feel So Intense

When romantic relationships form over social media, it’s easy for teens to fill in the blanks with fantasies, imagining what the other person is really thinking or would do if they were there in person. Teens who date online — or who use social media to stay connected with their significant other — tend to get very deep very quickly, moving the relationship forward at a much faster pace than it might otherwise.  

Teens who have experienced trauma may be even more prone to this because relationships feel a lot more high-stakes. They may also have a harder time setting healthy boundaries because they crave that connection and close bond. 

Green Flags: Signs of Healthy Teen Relationships 

The good news is, curiosity and connection are signs of healthy development! An interest in dating is natural in the teenage years, and it can be a good thing if done safely and responsibly. Here are signs a teen relationship is healthy: 

• They respect each other 

• They listen to what the other person is saying 

• Their life is balanced, not completely dominated by the relationship 

• They have healthy digital boundaries, like shutting off phones at bedtime and during class 

• They are supportive and kind to each other 

• The teens feel emotionally and physically safe 

• When conflicts arise, communication stays respectful

Every relationship looks different, so it ultimately comes down to talking with your teen and being aware of how the relationship is going. Things like mutual respect and balance can look very different depending on the relationship. For example, your teen’s partner may encourage them to care about their schoolwork or even come over to spend time studying. 

Red Flags: Signs of Unhealthy Relationships 

Relationships can be good things when they are healthy and have good communication, but it’s important as a parent or caregiver to also be aware of possible red flags in your teen’s dating life. Here are some warning signs to look for that may indicate your teen’s relationship is unhealthy: 

• Their partner is controlling, demanding passwords, always insisting on knowing their location or expecting instant replies to messages and calls. 

• Your teen is starting to isolate themselves from friends or family. 

• Their partner gets extremely jealous but frames it as “caring.” 

• Their partner flip-flops between being extremely loving and ghosting or withdrawing. 

• Their partner threatens self-harm or blackmail to get what they want. 

• Your teen has anxiety around phone notifications or is highly secretive about them. 

Keep in mind that you may see the reverse happening as well. Your teen may be the one being controlling or threatening, not the “victim.” No matter which “side” your teen falls on, these signs mean the relationship is unhealthy for them and may be hurting their mental health. 

How to Have Calm, Supportive Conversations About Dating 

Regardless of how healthy or unhealthy your teen’s dating life is, it’s your job as their parent to be supportive and compassionate in your approach to talking about it. If you’re a foster parent or caregiver of a teen who has experienced trauma, keep in mind that attachments like relationships may feel much more intense to your teen as you navigate these conversations. 

Here are some guidelines for having open conversations with your teen about dating and examples of what you might say: 

1. Lead with Curiosity, Not Accusations 

• “I’ve noticed you seem stressed when your phone goes off. I care about you and want you to feel safe. Want to talk about what’s going on?” 
• “I’ve noticed you’ve been talking to someone new. How’s that going?” 
• “What matters most to you in someone you choose to date?” 

2. Don’t Pressure Them to Open Up 

• “It’s totally okay if you’re not ready to talk about it. I just want you to know the door’s open.” 
• “You don’t have to tell me every detail, but I’m here for you if anything ever feels confusing or exciting . . . or both.” 
• “My goal isn’t to judge, just to support you. You can always come to me.” 

3. Normalize Their Feelings 

• “It makes sense that you’re excited. New relationships can feel really intense.” 
• “A lot of people go through phases where they’re not certain how they feel or what they want. It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.” 
• “Feeling a little jealous sometimes is human. It doesn’t mean you’re overreacting. What matters is how you handle it.” 
• “You’re figuring out what you want and don’t want. That’s exactly what dating at your age is for.” 

4. Provide Alternatives, Not Ultimatums 

• “If you’re feeling pressured to spend all your time with them, would it help to figure out ways to create balance without causing conflict?”
• “If you ever want a break from the pressure of the relationship, I can help create an excuse — only if you want it.”
• “You deserve relationships where you feel respected and safe. What would that look like for you?”
• “If things ever feel overwhelming, we can come up with a plan together. You don’t have to decide anything right now.”

Additional Support for Parenting Teens 

Building trust with your teen takes time, especially if you’re a foster parent who hasn’t been around them their entire life. Remember that you’re not alone in this, and neither is your teen! If they’re not comfortable opening up with you, consider recommending they talk to a therapist about their dating life so they have a sounding board to help them work through the challenges and emotions. 

Teens learn relationship skills the most through guidance and connection. That means having adults in their lives who genuinely care and want to support them. If you’re interested in being that support system for teens in formative experiences like this, consider becoming a foster parent with KVC West Virginia.